What on earth do I call my son?
I mean, yeah, he has a name, he’s 19 months old so it’d be pretty slack if I hadn’t got that one sorted out by now, but what do I call him on here? Do I call him his real name (which I’ve done quite a few times), ‘my son’ (which sounds pointlessly formal) or a made up thing like his initial or something? I suppose what I’m really asking myself is, do I think that if I write about my son online them I’m putting him in some kind of danger from a paedophile?
And I am genuinely interested in other people’s views on this, because I’ve read a lot of blogs but only a few of them actually name their kids and now I’m a bit concerned this might make me a bad parent in some way?
My story is this, when I was a kid, I had a best friend who for the purpose of this we’ll call X. X was my best mate through primary and junior school. Her mum was one of my mums best mates, they used to go out for lunch, us kids would have dinner round each others and sometimes I’d stay there at the weekend. They were a very religious family (mine were atheist) and sometimes I’d go to Sunday School with X if I’d stayed there. Her dad worked in the city, did a bit of business abroad and after X’s mum died, it was also discovered that he was a paedophile. You saw that coming, right?
Nothing ever happened to me, but I’m sure I know people that it did happen to. This is the thing, isn’t it? It was my mums best mates husband. She was a lovely woman. I wouldn’t expect that of any of my friends husbands and I know they would be horrified if such a thing was ever suggested. I’ve certainly never been worried about any of them abusing my son.
Umm...what are you called again?
That’s not to say I don’t worry about these things. When I was pregnant I had the experience a lot of people have of people touching my bump. One of which was a man who I was later informed by a reliable friend is on the sex offenders list to do with issues a child. Check out the parenting guilt on that one! Needless to say I’ve steered clear of this man since then.
It’s a tricky one isn’t it? I’ve worked in sport for a while and my husband works for a church. These sectors don’t breed paedophiles, but the level of trust means that people looking to abuse trust do migrate there, its an awful thing but true (and it does make us sound like a nightmare couple to leave your kids with?!) I wouldn’t stop my son going to a football club, but if I’m perfectly, will probably get a bit in trouble for this, honest, I would feel a bit funny about leaving him at a church thing. That’s probably down to my own experience though.
So does naming my son online leave him more open to abuse, could anyone really be bothered to go through my blog and them hunt down where we live and befriend him? It seems a bit like an effort to me, but I’m still not sure what the answer is. Would love to know your thoughts!
I personally think the chances of someone physically pursuing your child as a result of your blog are not huge. However, I do know of a few bloggers who have recently had to make the decision to stop posting pictures of their children because people were becoming weirdly obsessed. These people were using the child’s image as screensavers on their computers and god knows what else as well… Downright creepy really… Another reason I think people choose to keep their kids anonymous is that they worry that the child may be embarrassed to read and see potentially cringeworthy chapters of their life recorded in print for all to see. I know that concerns me. Should I really talk about my baby’s poo explosions when potentially in her teenage years or adult life it could be seen by others (friends, bullies, potential employers etc)? I generally believe that it is up to the individual, if carefully considered. I just try to be vigilant of any potentially weird or suspicious behavior or commenting by followers. I think as long as people are aware of the potential problems and dangers and how to report them that is half the battle.
Oh heck, I didn’t even think of him / other people reading it when he’s grown up. Sorry lovely son, don’t send me any therapy bills though, ok?!
I name my kids on mine, evidence would suggest that, like you said, they are more at risk from someone we know than from a random stranger. They’re not left in situations where this could even be an issue, their dad is their football coach, I attend swimming with them and we don’t go to church groups, they aren’t left with anyone, ever. X
…my personal choice has been to not name any family — blogging seems to be my deal, not theirs: a name, a real name, seems kind of a powerful thing to pass out like PEZ.
having said that your blog has a very definite place for your children – ‘my son’ does certainly not seem too formal to me….
Thought provoking topic… I have to say I’ve used a made up name for my little one, and for me it’s nice to keep a little something private to myself. I love blogging and sharing but keeping that little important detail back stops me from feeling too exposed somehow. I’m not sure if this makes any practical sense, but for me it does.
This is something I thought long and hard about, when I started blogging, but in the end I came to the conclusion that it was just easier and more natural to use their names. Especially since really I’m writing for no one but myself. And, as a friend pointed out, whether it’s on a blog, on Facebook or on Twitter, pretty much every kid of their generation will have some kind of Internet trail of embarrassment, so why should mine miss out?
interestingly, I hardly ever use their names on Twitter though. Always initials. Weird.
Weird but pretty much the same as what I do! I’d feel bad if any child of mine didn’t have an embarrasing internet history, if I was a kid now my parents would be doing their best to fix that!
I don’t name my children but I post photos and videos all over the place. They haven’t asked me to stop yet…
Yeah, I post pics on facebook using his real name and have never thought twice about that!
When I started blogging last year, I decided I wouldn’t put pictures of the kids up on my blog, and I called them Blue and Pink more as a laugh to begin with, but it’s kind of stuck. I agree with the other comments that it’s unlikely someone would pursue your child as a result of being on the website but we had some insight into people just downloading photos of kids and corrupting them so that it looked like the child was being abused – and I didn’t want that to happen to mine, although propbably being hyper-paranoid. My kids know that they are Blue and Pink though, and I got a load of Pin’s work home yesterday from school and there are loads of stories in her literacy book where the Princess is called Pink and the Prince is called Blue…
Hmm.. even more stuff I didn’t think of. Its such a minefield isn’t it? In my head I know that the biggest threat my son is likely to face is from people we know (which is awful, but true) but I’m concious of that extra risk and if it should be avoided or if its some kind of symptom of an over paranoid society?
I use initials for my three. Not because I am paranoid about anybody else particularly, or society as a whole, but to a certain extent I want to protect their privacy. My three are all teenagers and learning about life their way so i don’t want to blog about them as such, using their full names.
With Google being as accurate as it is, I don’t want people to be able to readily identify them if I do happen to have blogged about something they have said or done.
If that makes sense.
It does make sense, and its a sensible responce too! I suppose I feel weird when people mention my blog to me so it would be far stranger people talking to you about what they’d seen on your mums blog.
I use nicknames for reasons of potential embarrassment, general protection of their identities etc. My blog is pretty open about who I am, but my children haven’t chosen that. I also never put photos of them on public websites. It’s the same as using DH, DS etc on Mumsnet and other such places, really. As for Twitter, initials keep the characters down!
I started mine with their names and then swopped to big, middle and baby. I imagine that when they are older there will be less pics because they wont let me take them…..lots to think about in this post.The reason I started blogging tho was so my kids would have a record of their childhood, and I think I would rather noone read my blog, than not being able to post photos.
I can’t find a good name either. I find it easy to write the twins but cannot think of what to call my eldest. I don’t like initials as it makes me stop writing to think about it, and I can’t think of a different nickname
I think it’s one of those ‘there’s no right or wrong’ when it comes to this subject, just find what you are most comfortable with. I use my children’s names and photos but then I think that when it comes to paedophiles my kids are more at risk of that occurring in the real world than the on-line one and with the vast resources these type of people have at their disposal online that a few photos of my kiddies playing really won’t matter.
but that’s just me, great post, really thought provoking x
I’m new to this blogging lark- and have been wondering the same. I’m also wondering about photos- interesting to read other people’s opinions on photos too. I think i’m firmly in the nickname camp when it comes to naming them- I’ve just got to hope I remember to use them…